Forbidden Love

Did I ever say I was going to stop making blog posts about my personal vendettas?

If I did I lied. In my defense I try not to claim to actually know what I'm talking about in these posts. Also in my defense it would be completely out of character for me to write something that didn't include some personal vendetta...

Okay, vendetta of the week... er, month: Sensible girls falling in love with the bad boy. The cliche of forbidden love.

Let me explain my position before I expound upon the surprising conclusion I reached (that's how all my blogs go, right?) I'll add a disclaimer; my position on this has been heavily influenced by conversations I've had with close friends about it. If you read this and you think "Hey, I told her that!" take it as a compliment.

The foundation of the matter is that if you're falling in love with someone that obviously, hopefully means you want to marry him someday. If you are a sensible, Godly woman then you should also know that Ephesians 5 says wives should submit to their husbands in everything and that the husband is the spiritual head of the household. (Don't get caught up in the submission thing, I'm still my stubborn, independent and fairly girl-power self. The rest of the chapter talks about wives loving their husbands. Nothing wrong with letting your man lead if he loves you like Christ.) Please correct me if I'm wrong, I don't have any experience with being in love with a delinquent, but I'm pretty sure that the bad boy is probably a bit spiritually lacking. Thus: not eligible to be spiritual head of household. Thus: not husband material. Thus: please don't fall in love with him.

So there's your surprisingly brief explanation of my opinion of this subject. This extends to my various friends and their crushes as well as to fictional characters. (Please, *insert character's name*, stop trying to reform him!)

But! (Here is that crucial "but" that makes all the difference in my blogs.) There is another very difficult teaching that comes into play here. Very difficult. Also very basic. Love your enemies. Love your neighbor. Welcome "the one who is weak in faith."

My first instinct when I run into such a character is to grab my friend and run. I suppose if I'm trying to be a good example that probably isn't the best idea. Though not husband material, these young men do need Godly friends to lead them in the right direction.

So, while it's not a good idea to marry the bad boy and then try to reform him, it's still a good idea to be trying to reform him. It's a dangerous line to tread, helping him while not allowing yourself to fall in love with him or vice versa, but opportunities to have an influence on someone else's life should not be missed.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

But seriously, girl. Stop falling in love with the bad boy, there's a much more deserving man out there somewhere who doesn't want you to settle for less.

Devious Surprising

This almost relates back to my last post, (which was, in fact, more than a month ago. I apologize.) My other triplet/blogosphere doppelganger, who can be found here, as well as the one referenced in my last blog who can still be found here are doing a connecting series of blogs. We're doing it purposefully this time too rather than me just copying an idea stolen from Zella and suggesting that D do the same.

You see, a year ago this week Emily and I surprised Dorothy with a visit. Anyone who doesn't know me well enough to know that most of my friends don't live in the same state as I do would say "Okay, that's nice, what's the big deal?" Well, to begin with these are both people I met online. We all three met on the Narnia forum "The Dancing Lawn" many years ago. Emily and I met first and decided that we were so much alike we must be twins. Later Dorothy joined and momentously it was suggested that we should become triplets because D was obviously cool enough to be one of us.

So there we were, awesome friends online who barely even knew where each of the others lived. It took me way too long to realize that Emily and I lived only 45 minutes from each other... Unfortunately D lives more than 9 hours away from us, making visiting a little difficult. Nonetheless, we had decided that it was going to happen last year.

This is where I suddenly decided to start thinking big. I truly, honestly do not usually do this. The exception to this rule is about surprises. I love surprises. I love them and will do abnormal things to pull them off. I've only pulled off a few notable ones; converting a pre-existing birthday party to a surprise party, a surprise visit from four hours away and of course, a surprise visit from nine hours away.

It was complicated, it involved emailing D's sister and rearranging schedules and some very complicated driving schemes by me and plot-naming. (It was called Operation Come Along Pond, this video made by Emily is a wonderful recap of it. I'm not going to recap, D already did that in her own amazing way and Emily did it a fair amount in her blog too. Read theirs.)

It was also amazing. The surprise was completely worth it and more. Emily and I thought through many scenarios about how we could reveal ourselves, as she describes in her blog (and D from her perspective in hers) we got there and figured out that she was sleeping. I led the way into her room and sat down on her bed, trying to seem like this was a perfectly normal thing to do. Her face when she saw me was priceless, there is an excellent screencap of it in the video, I did happen to be holding a video camera at the time.

What I probably can't convey to you very well is the amount of wonderful emotions that went into and around that first surprised look. We had spent months planning the surprise and there were so many ways it could have gone wrong. She could have figured it out before hand and she could have looked smugly confirmed in her suspicions. In some impossible turn of events she could be not thrilled to see us or her family could not be thrilled to see us.

But no, she was completely and utterly surprised, hadn't suspected a thing. She was also visibly and radiantly happy about it, though a bit shocked (and thus needing a blanket.) Her family was also awesome and happy. For me it was a relief and a culmination of months of anticipation and planning plus years of hoping and trying to meet each other. It's one of those moments you couldn't manufacture or recreate and could barely wish for.

My blogs always rabbit trail, I won't disappoint you now. My rabbit trail is about surprises. I've had discussion about the various "Love Languages", that's a popular book or something. I hear about them and go, "Well, I think all of those apply to me. That's very helpful... not." But if I had to make up my own love language I would choose surprises. I try to surprise people I love all the time. My budget is limited but if you admire something while shopping I've been known to snag it and buy it when you're not looking and you'll find it in your room later. *Cough*Roommate problems, we both do this*cough*. Some people have got the "Guess what????" text which, for the record, is almost always followed with "I love you" out of the blue.

I was trying to think about why I feel that surprises are so important. The person to whom I would like to show the most love, God, can't be surprised. He is, however, the expert at surprising. Some of my happiest moments come from those silly times when I desperately want something but think it's too ridiculous so I don't even ask God for it. His response is to give me that thing and more. Better yet, he responds with something I never would have thought to ask for, enter the surprise. How silly can I get? He knows I want that thing so why don't I just ask him? I know he'll follow through with something better in time anyway.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that surprises feel like a way of trying to imitate God's love for us. It's great to surprise something by giving them something they never would have even thought to ask for, you may even end up being a part of God's surprise for them, an answer to their prayer they never even prayed.

Behold, the crowning mercies melt,

The first surprises stay;

And in my dross is dropped a gift

For which I dare not pray:

That a man grow used to grief and joy

But not to night and day.

“A Second Childhood.” - G.K. Chesterton

Highlighted

I have, in fact, borrowed an idea from my triplet/blogosphere doppelganger. Borrowed sounds too nice. I've stolen an idea without plans of returning it, in fact I hope to pass it on. Zella here, on her wonderful (and regular, unlike mine) blog had a brilliant idea which I humbly suggest that some of my other blogging friends use.

In case you were too lazy to click on that link, Zella has a charming post in which she shared all of the verses she has highlighted in her Bible. I thought that was a pretty cool idea and I, too, practically never highlight or underline in my current Bible so if I've underlined something that means it must be pretty important to me.

So I flipped through my Bible yesterday tracking down all of my underlining. It was a rather long process and my loose definition of underlining includes verses that only have one or two words underlined. Here are the results, some of them may look rather familiar from previous blogs.

Psalm 17:3
Though you probe my heart and examine me at night,
though you test me, you will find nothing;
I have resolved that my mouth will not sin.

Romans 5:5
And hope does not disappoint us because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Romans 12:12
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Ephesians 2:8
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God -

2 Timothy 1:9
who has saved us and called us to a holy life - not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time,

1 Peter 1:8
Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,


Here's where it gets interesting, those are from my current Bible which was given to me when I graduated from High school. I also have my Bible that was given to me back in 2004 on my 11th birthday when, according to the page at the beginning, my favorite verse was Hebrews 10:25 and my life's ambition was to be a writer. There are some interesting underlinings, how the word "Presence" is inexplicably capitalized, the Jacob Marley verse (Isaiah 28:23), and a reference to something called the "House of Heroes", but there are also these.

Numbers 14:18a
The Lord is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion.

Job 9:15
Though I were innocent, I could not answer him;
I could only plead with my Judge for mercy.

Then the entire chapter of Psalm 16 is circled. I think I might even remember when I did that.

Psalm 33:16-19
No king is saved by the size of his army;
no warrior escapes by his great strength.
A horse is a vain hope for deliverance;
despite all its great strength it cannot save.
But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
to deliver them form death
and keep them alive in famine.

Psalm 40 is circled as well

Psalm 42: 5-6a
Why are you downcast, oh my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

Psalm 63:3
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.

Large portions of Psalm 73 are circled

Psalm 94: 18-19
When i said, "My foot is slipping,"
your love, O Lord, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me,
your consolation brought joy to my soul.

Psalm 103:11-12
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Psalm 119:53-54
Indignation grips me because of the wicked,
who have forsaken your law.
Your decrees are the theme of my song
wherever I lodge.

Interestingly Psalm 130 is circled as well, it is in my other Bible as well.

Psalm 147:17 (Blizzard verse)
He hurls down his hail like pebbles.
Who can withstand his icy blast?

Proverbs 4(which is circled):23
Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.

Proverbs 18:12
Before his downfall a man's heart is proud,
but humility comes before honor.

Proverbs 27:17 and 19
As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man.

Ecclesiastes 5:20
He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart.

Ecclesiastes 9:10a
Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might,

Ha, check out the second half of that verse...

Isaiah 7:9b
If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all.

Isaiah 11:9
They will neither harm nor destroy on all my holy mountain,
for the earth will be full of the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea.

Isaiah 42:9
See, the former things have taken place,
and new things I declare;
before they spring into being
I announce them to you.

Isaiah 43:10b
Before me no god was formed
nor will there be one after me.

Isaiah 44:5b
Still another will write on his hand, "The Lord's,"
and will take the name Israel.

Isaiah 49:25b
I  will contend with those who contend with you,
and your children I will save.

Jeremiah 15:20 (In case you didn't know what Bronze Wall Ministries' verse is)
I will make you a wall to this people,
a fortified wall of bronze;
they will fight against you
but will not overcome you,
for I am with you
to rescue and save you.

Micah 6:8
He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.

Romans 15:4
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

1 John 2:17
The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.

Now you, the person who has taken the time to read this blog, you should take the time to do this yourself, I'd be most interested to see what verses have been important to you.

Absence

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."
"Or forgetful."

(I will be honest, that's how I always finish that line in my head.)

I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

I was enchanted to meet you

Nationals always requires a blog post, right? Right.

I'm sure I have to put up with a lot of sad things in my life. Forgetting my lunch when I have my heart set on what I have packed. Not being able to go home for a weekend. Not running into friends at school. Not getting to spend time with my family. Little things, big things, huge things.

But I have decided that the saddest thing I consistently have to put up with is how far away my best friends live. I have awesome friends here in Ohio. There are some really amazing people who do actually live within an hour of my house (or one of my houses) but there are just so many brilliant, funny, amazing, sweet and wonderful people who live too far out of range. It's incredibly hard to only see all of these people once a year or so. It gets worse/better every year as I just keep meeting more and more awesome people.

Having nationals two weeks or so before my finals has kind of made me confront my priorities. Despite being a little bit lazy I am also a little bit obsessive about grades, it's my competitive nature. But apart from needing good grades for scholarships I've had it pointed out in many Biblical lessons that I really have no reason to obsess about grades because there are so many more important things.

To that end for the most part I give my friends' crises precedence over homework, as long as I don't completely blow off homework irresponsibly. I also long ago decided that Nationals was more important than perfect attendance for many many reasons.

There is a bit of a hitch in this plan, though, and it is, in fact, even addressed in the material we covered at nationals this year.

"Jesus replied: '"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: "Love your neighbor as yourself." All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.'
Matthew 22:37-40 (Yeah, I used NIV, I'm old school.)

I'm becoming somewhat accomplished at the loving your neighbor part. I love doing things for and with friends so much and have sacrificed a lot for close friends. However, as admirable as it is to put your friends first at all times, there is that other step that should be the first step.

But encouragingly, the (annoyingly few) times I've managed to make it my first step I do find that everything else falls into place much easier.

"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

A Long Expected Adventure

I had a bit of an unexpected journey today. I didn't go in search of any dragons but it was just as invigorating. Let me explain: it's been one of those awesome days where you just have to tell someone all about how awesome your day was. Unfortunately, you all are that someone.

Despite waking up with the usual feeling of "I'm either going to not go to school or take a nap later today" school went surprisingly well, involving (wonder of wonders) a successful group project, a postponed quiz, only 2 1/2 out of 4 classes and the best literature class I've been in yet. (Why? The teacher showed up late. The class kind of mutinied. He gave in. In a cheerful sort of way.) Besides that all of the usual suspect (and one unusual) showed up at our usual "hang out and plot world domination" spot (you know who you are) and I ran into an intriguing individual about campus who I've been meaning to meet for a while. (You also know who you are.) So school was awesome. And I just saw a car with a dragon on it go by. (I had a bottle of Mountain Dew. My attention span....)

Then I went home and Liz was cleaning the carpets so I decided it was a good excuse to go for a walk in the woods. And kind of got purposefully lost. I originally went looking for some birds who were making interesting noises. I never found the birds but I found unexplainably green trees, a flower garden in the middle of the woods, some very cool stonework and all of those other things that make getting lost in the woods worthwhile.

All of this is to say that at this point in the day, with writer's group to look forward to, can it really get any better?

Well the answer is yes, it can. On earth I'd never ask for more than this in an awesome day, in the middle of the school year this is as awesome as it gets and it's pretty great. But an exciting thing is to think about some, you know, really awesome days we have to look forward to in heaven. The nice thing is, this doesn't diminish the awesomeness of days here on earth. It kind of makes them better, just as the bad days on earth prepare you for things, maybe the good days on earth prepare us so we won't be overwhelmed with the awesomeness in heaven.

Who am I kidding? There's no comparison and that makes it even better!! But in the meantime I'll go back to enjoying the awesome days here in the most enthusiastic way possible.

"Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, "Do it again"; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, "Do it again" to the sun; and every evening, "Do it again" to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we."
-G.K. Chesteron

Always Just Beneath the Dawn

There, now I've used both my blog title and by domain name as titles for posts. I'm so bad at thinking of titles...

"Every day I was with you in the temple courts and you did not lay a hand on me. But this is your hour - when darkness reigns." - Luke 22:53

I know a lot of people, myself included, have a fascination with dark things. Gothic literature is interesting stuff. Darker movies are so much more intense. Depressing music is just so moving.

Now I'm not saying there's anything wrong with this in small quantities. But it is good to remember that letting dark thoughts rule your mind all the time just isn't good for you. If you're depressed you're likely to despair and hope becomes so hard to believe in. If you're obsessed with darkness it's hard to find joy.

Thankfully even in the dark good things start happening. What time could possibly have been blacker than right after the crucifixion? And yet:

"Now there was a man named Joseph, a member of the Council, a good and upright man, who had not consented to their decision and action. He came from the Judean town of Arimathea and he was waiting for the kingdom of God. Going to Pilate he asked for Jesus' body." - Luke 23:50-51

Joseph of Arimathea came forward, a little belated perhaps, but right when he needed to. Right at the hardest time possible to start believing, in the middle of the dark.

Thankfully, not having to personally live through those three days, we know that all darkness must eventually end.

Darkness can't perceive the light

Though lightlessness has chilled us numb.

And though its wings may cloud the skies

The dark shall never overcome.

Light of the world,

Your love has never failed.

The Hypocritical Post

The hypocritical post. It's judging you. Feel the judge.

Actually, that's not what this is about. I'm not going to write about hypocrisy. That would, of course, be hypocritical.

Instead I'm going to write about something that I've noticed in other people that could use some improving. I could also use some improving in the same area. That makes this quite a hypocritical post.

It's hard to exactly pinpoint what to call this problem I've been seeing. I guess it's kind of an intolerance of anything that you view as less spiritual than your own preferences. That's a wide area. It also falls into the category of things in Romans 14. Don't bother looking it up, I'll summarize.

That's the chapter that talks about not eating meat or not drinking wine if it will cause your brother to stumble. The reason it would cause your brother to stumble is because your brother has weaker faith and you'd be leading him astray by doing something if he can't understand why it's all right to do it.

So what I'm seeing are some weird ways that people do this.

1. Praise music This is possibly the number one thing I hear people complain about in church. Whether it's people who don't like modern music or people who simply can't stand hymns, everyone objects to one or the other in some way. I personally am slowly but surely developing a vendetta against a lot of praise music. I happen to like hymns because they're more prone to having really really meaningful lyrics. Don't get me wrong, I love so much praise music and it moves me more often than hymns do. Also, hymns can be preeeeetty shallow too. But the point here is that, as annoying as it is to put up with music that you don't like, guess what? Someone else is getting something out of it. I mean, I won't mention any names but I know someone who absolutely loves the responsive readings in hymnals and gets more out of those than out of music.

2. Christian movies I made sure to bring this one up because this is one I'm completely guilty of. I don't like them. I like Amazing Grace. I like Veggie Tales. That really might be it. It's just that in my honest opinion there isn't too much out there in the Christian film industry that isn't unbearably cheesy (like cheese on pizza. ... whoops, relapse...). But I do know that the majority of people I know love these movies and find them inspiring. Or something to that effect. I'll try to curb my dislike.

3. Devotionals/Bible Studies Maybe I am just restricting myself to hypocrisy I'm guilty of. Sorry guys, confession day for Elizabeth. There are very few devotional books I've read that I've gotten much out of. Short of Chesterton or Lewis. I also often have difficulty in large Bible studies because I just get sidetracked when no one will answer obvious questions. It's no one's fault, I'm just an impatient human being and have been in waaaaay too many Sunday schools.

So on the surface what this actually looks like is "A List of things Elizabeth Finds Annoying But Other People Appreciate." That would look like I was trying to seem a little holier than thou. "I don't get anything out of these things because I'm so much more spiritual than you."

Goodness, no!

It really makes me a lot less spiritual. God had a hand in making both the deep praise songs and the shallow hymns. He certainly had a hand in making those Christian movies come about and kept an eye on the authors creating the Bible studies. If I can find inspiration in fog and spiderwebs shouldn't I be able to find something new about God in even the things that seem shallow to me?

Here's kind of what brought this on, I'll give you one of those overly familiar verses:

“Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

Most little kids I know don't object because I don't use the right version of the Bible or sing "I Am A C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N" rather than "Father Abraham." (If you're that little kid you're obnoxious. Don't take it personally. I was probably that little kid.) But also, key word: Humble. It's probably about time to start humbling myself and not think "Why is this guy teaching us a lesson we could learn in fifth grade Sunday school?" and start thinking "Why is God sending me this lesson?" He does have a lot better grasp of my maturity level, after all.